Cum am ajuns aici- a doua parte How I got here - the second part

Journal Entry by Cristina Sarlea — October 13, 2023

Am ajuns acasa pe 19 iulie si pe 21 iulie am mers impreuna cu Dani la Dr. D pentru biopsie. Eram sufleteste gata, depresia disparuse si acum eram gata de noua aventura cu Dumnezeu. Biopsia nu a fost dureroasa, singura mea ingrijorare catre Dr D a fost sa stiu cam in cat timp ma poate ea opera dupa ce aflam rezultatul, in cazul in care e cancer, si mi-a spus, cam 2 saptamani. Un timp relativ bun, ca nu da prea mult timp cancerului sa se imprastie. Inainte de biopsie simptomele mele erau pulsatii in san si apoi sub brat ca si cum inima ar bate in locul acela. Dupa biopsie a fost razboi in san, pulsatiile erau peste to si de multe ori erau intepaturi. Am inceput sa aplic tamaie constant da de reusec sa tin cancerul acolo, in caz ca ar fi cancer. Biopsia a fost vinerea si trebuia sa ne intanim cu doctorita urmatoarea vineri sa ne dea rezultatul. Ne-a sunat martea ca a primit rezultatele si ca vrea sa facem o teleconferinta joi. In mintea nostra am zis ca e bine ca vrea teleconferinta , ca daca ar fi fost cancer, ne-ar fi chemat la spital sa ne spuna in persoana. 

La putine minute de cand am inceput teleconferinta ne-a dat diagnosticul: e cancer! Eu nu m-am mirat, Dani , in schimb, a fost socat.  Si a trecut la explicatii sumare, nu e pe baza de estrogen, nici pe baza de progesteron ( m-am linistit ca tratamentul meu cu hormoni naturali nu erau cauza), nu e nic Hers2, este KI67 mai mare de 80%. Nu a insemnat mare lucru ce mi-a spus ea atunci. M-am bucurat ca nu e hormonal dar mai mult nu am stiut. mi-a explicat ce oprtiuni am ca si operatie si am ales usor ca vreau mastectomie dubla dar a insistat ca inainte ca spun sigur ca vreau direct operatie, sa merg la dr. O ( cea la care am incercat sa merg initial, dar nu facea biopsie) sa imi expplice ce optiuni am. Am agreat ca inainte de orice decizie e bine sa stiu toate optiunile si sa iau o decizie numai dupa ce sunt in cunostinta de toate optiunile valabile. Asa ca martea urmatoare dr.O a stat peste programul normal sa se intalneasca cu noi. 

Baietii erau plecati in Colorado la o tabara crestina si a trebuit sa le spun diagnosticul. Acolo in tabara , au primit mult suport din partea organizatorilor si a prietenilor lor. Asa s-a raspindit foarte repede stirea diagnosticului meu. Philip zice ca romanii sunt mai rapizi ,decat facebook, in raspandirea vestilor :) La poate 2 zile am vorbit cu un pastor a carui sotie, Daniela, trecuse in vesnicie doar cateva luni in urma. El mi-a povestit ce fel de cancer a fost si ce tratamente au urmat. Nu am avut prea multe de zis ca totul era nou pentru mine, dar am ascultat si am ramas fixata pe triplu negativ.

Marti seara ne-am intalnic cu dr. O. La inceputul discutiei am intrebat-o sa imi explice mai bine ce fel de cancer am ca sunt putin nestiutoare...atunci ea mi-a spus, triplu negativ....deja m-am vazut plecata de pe acest pamant si lacrimile au vrut sa izbucneasca, m-am rugat Domnului sa imi opreasca lacrimile ca eram doar la inceputul programarii, trebuia sa pot sa fiu tare sa ascult toate optiunile. Ea mi-a explicat tot planul de tratament cu chimoterapie  si imunoterapie inainte de operatie, apoi operatie si din nou chimoterapie si imunoterapie dupa operatie. Mi-a explicat toate beneficiile si efectele secundare. Am ascultat atenta si la sfarsit am avut doar 2 intrebari...de ce Daniela care a facut tot protocolul si a fost declarata vindecata, a avut metstaza la ficat din acelasi fel de cancer...a ridicat din umeri ca nu are un raspuns la de ce-ul meu si apoi am mai intrebat-o , in cazut in care nu fac chimo, daca ea o sa fie doctorita ce o sa ma ajute cu durerile din ultimele zile de viata( v-am spus ca deja ma vedeam plecata...)mi-a raspuns ca in 37 de ani de cariera nimeni nu a intrebat-o asta...i-am cerut permisiunea sa ma gandesc o zi sau doua inainte sa ii dau un raspuns. Am plecat de acolo, Dani era tacut, eu mai vorbeam facand cumva un rezumat la tot ce mi-a zis incercat sa procesez  informatia cu voce tare. Eram in garajul acoperit al spitalului si ne indreptam catre masina. Atunci i-am zis la Dani ca toata zdroaba doctoritei de a ma convinge ca , chimo este cea mai buna solutie, pentru mine a avut rezultatul opus, m-a convins ca , chimo nu este pentru mine, nu o sa fac chimo. In momentul cand am terminat de spus aceste cuvinte, fiinta mea s-a umplut de o pace de nedescris, si pe langa pacea ce mi-a inundat fiinta am primit o certitudine ce am si rostit-o cu gura, ca eu nu voi muri din cancerul asta. Eram bucuroasa, fericita ca Domnul a ales sa nu ma ia acasa prin acest cancer, eram gata sa merg cu Dani la un restaurant sa sarbatorim. Dani era putin nedumerit. Acum eram gata sa lupt, caci victoria era deja castigata de Domnul meu, eu doar trebuie sa pasesc pe drumul ce El l-a pregatit pentru mine, sa imi fac partea mea conform cu , calauzirea de la El si El isi va face partea Lui.  Atunci Dumnezeu a revarsat in mine viata, puterea de a lupta si de a merge impotriva curentului. Pacea Lui, pentru mine, este sigiliul prin care El imi spune ca aproba deciziile mele.  Ajunsi acasa am impartasit cu copiii nostri, Paul a fost farte incurajat de certitudinea mea si ne-am rugat ca familie, ne-am increditat in mana Domnului pentru ce va urma.

A urmat apoi operatia, la 7 saptamani de la biopsie. Acestea au fost saptamani lungi, uneori m-am ingrijorat dar apoi am ales sa cred ca Domnul nu greseste si stie ce face, eu doar trebuie sa merg inainte cu credinta. In aceasta periaoad cel rau bineinteles ca a venit sa ma tulbure si sa imi spuna ca acea convingere de vindecare pe care am avut-o a fost doar ca Domnul sa ma motiveze sa lupt si sa nu cedez. A avut success? trebuie sa fiu sincera si sa recunosc, ca ,da, a reusit sa ma doboare de cateva ori. raspunsul meu la o astfel de ispita este ca, chiar si daca Dumnezeu alege sa nu ma vindece, eu tot nu ma voi lasa de El. Dumnezeu stie de ce ingaduie ce ingaduie si El va scoate ceva bun si din aceasta incercare. In saptamanile in care eram mereu ispitita cu gandul ca certitudinea a fort doar o motivatie, am gasit cea mai mare incurajare in Cuvantul Lui :

Mă aştept şi nădăjduiesc cu tărie că nu voi fi dat de ruşine cu nimic; ci că acum, ca totdeauna, Hristos va fi proslăvit cu îndrăzneală în trupul meu, fie prin viaţa mea, fie prin moartea mea.

21 Căci pentru mine a trăi este Hristos, şi a muri este un câştig.

22 Dar, dacă trebuie să mai trăiesc în trup, face să trăiesc; şi nu ştiu ce trebuie să aleg.

23 Sunt strâns din două părţi: aş dori să mă mut şi să fiu împreună cu Hristos, căci ar fi cu mult mai bine;

24 dar, pentru voi, este mai de trebuinţă să rămân în trup.

25 Şi sunt încredinţat şi ştiu că voi rămâne şi voi trăi cu voi toţi, pentru înaintarea şi bucuria credinţei voastre;

26 pentru ca, prin întoarcerea mea la voi, să aveţi în mine o mare pricină de laudă în Isus Hristos. Aceste cuvinte au readus in mine incredintarea ca nu voi muri din cancerul asta. Eu trebuie doar sa imi fac partea mea.

Mi-a fost teama de operatie? da. Era smabata seara cand m-am pus pe genunchi si am rugat pe Domnul sa trimita ingerii Lui la operatie sa faca cort in jurul meu, sa ma pazeasca si daca doctorii ar vrea sa faca vreo greseala sa intervina ingerii Lui ca totul sa fie bine . A doua zi, era duminica de Labor Day si nu am avut biserica, seara , sora Ana si Dana au vrut sa treaca pe la noi. Cum ce au intrat pe usa sora Ana a inceput sa imi povesteasca ce viziune a avut in acea noapte. Pentru cei ce nu o cunosteti, sora Ana este o femeie a rugaciunii, baptista, niciodata in viata nu a avut vreo vedenie, dar de data acesata Domnul i-a vorbit printr-o vedenie. Se facea ca eram in sala de operatie pe masa, era o lumina puternica inauntru si doctorii si asistentele toti acolo, dar deasupra lor era un cerc de ingeri si serafimi care faceau cerc deasupra mea cu aripile deschise spunand slava lui Dumnezeu. Ne-a povestit emotionata si bucuroasa vedenia avuta. Eu am ramas fara cuvinte. Dani in schimb a impartasit atunci ca in seara ce trecuse el i-a cerut Domnului un semn special prin care sa ii certifice ca va fi cu mine la operatie si totul va fi bine. Acesta a fost raspunsul, semnul ce Domnul l-a trimis pentru Dani si a raspuns si rugaciunii mele. Din acea zi eu nu am mai avut nici o farama de teama pentru operatie. Nu stiu cum vi se par voua, celor ce cititi aceste randuri, aceste experiente, dar pentru mine, sunt minunile lui Dumnezeu in dreptul meu si a casei mele. 

A venit si ziua operatiei, nu am avut urma de frica in mine, stiam ca Domnul e cu mine, eram constienta de tot ce se intampla si cu toate astea, parca eu paseam la 20 de cm deasupra realitatii.  multi dintre voi care cititi, ati stat in post si rugaciune pentru mine, si in ziua de azi ma rog pentru ca Domnul sa reverse binecuvantarile Lui peste voi si El sa va rasplateasca toata dragostea. El care nu lasa nerasplitit un pahar de apa dat in numlele Lui, cum nu va rasplati cu ata mai mult jertfa adusa in Numele Lui pentru mine? Ce bine e sa fi in trupul lui Christos!

Am intrat in sala de operatie, m-am mutat pe masa de operatie, am vazut reflactoarle ce nu erau inca pornite, am vazut asistentele in camera si mi-am ridicat ochii catre colturile de sus ale camerei, am inceput sa simt ca vine somnul si as fi vrut sa mai stau putin treaza da de vad ingerii, stiam ca sunt acolo prezenti, dar ochii mei de carne nu iau putut vedea...si am adormit. M-am trezit parca dupa un somn scurt si langa mine era un asistent barbat care nu mai stiu ce a povestit cu mine, Dani era si el acolo langa pat. La scurt timp m-a luat cu patul sa ma duca in salon, pe drum i-am spus ca este pentru prima data cand am asistent un barbat si el mi-a raspuns ca este o prima data pentru fiecare lucru, si nic nu am terminat bine cu nemultumirea mea de a avea asistent un barbat ca am ajuns in salon unde ma astepta alt barbat. Asat a fost prea de tot. Eram deja buimaca de la anestezie si acum trebuia sa fac fata la o noua provocare, un barbat sa ma ingrijeasca? Cum cei de la spital nu mi-au dat o femeie? In mintea mea i-am spus Domnului ca de ce nu s-a ingrijit si de acest detaliu?  Ce era sa mai fac, faptul era consumat, nu puteam sa refuz sa fiu grijita de acest asistent, John. As fi fost foarte nepoliticoasa sa comentez. Copiii si mama mea ai venit imediat in salon, ne-am pus pe facut poze, grija mea cea mai mare era, " cum imi sta parul ?". V-am spus eu cum sunt femeile ( sau cel putin eu) cu parul :). Nu am avut dureri decat daca incercam sa imi misc mainile, durea tare cand foloseam doar putin muschii pieptului. Dani a stat cu mine peste noapte si s-a ingrijit de fiecare nevoie a mea, el a fost mainile mele. John, de care la inceput am fost nemultumita, s-a dovedit a fi cel mai bun asistent pe care l-as fi putut primi. Cand mergea Dani cu miine la baie se intorcea sa nu imi vada goliciunea si pe cand veneam inapoi, cearceaful pe pat era intans, pernele aranjate, m-am pocait apoi pentru nemultumirea mea. John l-a invatat pe Dani cum sa scurga tuburile de drenaj si mi-a dat atatea informatii utile pentru cand aveam sa plec acasa, pentru mine , a fost o binecuvantare! S-a schimbat tura la 6 dimineata si am vazut eu atunci ce inseamna sa am o femeie ca asistenta, ma tragea cand isi golea tuburile de drenaj, nu imi mai aranja patul, cand am vazut cum e am si plecat acasa, la 9 dimineata doctorita chirurg a venit sa ma vada si apoi am si plecat acasa. In mai putin de 24 de ore de cand m-au internat pt operatie eu eram deja acasa. Au fost cateva zile grele, eram neputincioasa cu lucrurile banale, era ciudat sa cer ajutor pentru fiecare maruntis, a trebuit sa invat sa ma las ajutata si mai mult, sa cer ajutor. Dar au trecut zilele acelea si cand am reusit sa imi misc mainile parca as fi primit aripi. Am inceput sa revin la normal si sa prind viata. 

Intre timp am apucat sa vorbesc cu fratele meu, era ingrijorat ca nu fac chimo dar a vazut ca nu are pe cine sa convinga , si si-a adus aminte de o discutie ce a avut cu o doctorita, nu stiu cu cat timp in urma, si aceasta doctorita vorbea de o clinica din Japonia care face tratamente intense pentru cancer si zicea ea ca daca vreodata o sa aiba cancer, ea in Japonia la clinica aceea vrea sa mearga. Ea fusesse la clinica in 2018-2019. M-a intrebat Petre daca as fi ok sa fac tratament alternativ si am fost deschisa, eu eram deja pregatita sa incer tramatent intens cu tamaie. El mi-a gasit email de contact la clinica si am facut o programare pe zoom cu ei ca sa aflu mai multe informatii.

La 10 zile de la operatie, am mers la control la dr. D, chirurgul oncolog. Atunci ea ne-a dat rezultatele patologice la tot ce a scos afara la operatie. Au fost 3 tumori, dintre care cea mai mare a ajuns la 4.4cm in doar 7 saptamani. Au fost si celule canceroase imprastiate prin tesutul sanului, a extras 5 noduli limfatici dintre care 2 erau cancerosi metastazici.  O scanare CT facuta inainte de operatie a aratat 15 noduli pe plamani si acestia au foarte ingrijoratori pentru dr.D. Ea mi-a spus ca singurul motiv pentru care nu sunt considerati cancerosi e ca sunt inca pana la 4mm si doar de la 6mm sunt vazuti problematici. Bazat pe cele gasite, prognoza ei de viata  pentru mine a fost destul de scurta... Mi-a spus ca am de-a face cu un cancer destept si incapatanat, asa ca mine. Nu am stiut cum sa iau aceste cuvinte, ca un compliment sau un repros?  A recunoscut ca tratamentul chimo pt mine poate mi-ar prelungi viata cu cateva luni...atunci am avut ocazia sa ii spun ca numarul zilelor mele sunt deja numarate de Tatal meu ceresc si El decide lungimea viaetii mele.  Ea mi-a respectat decizia si mi-a recomandat o scanare PET in 3 luni sa vedem cat au crescut nodulii. Pana atunci, mi-a facut trimitere la un doctor paleativ ( este un doctor ce ajuta persoanele in faza terminala sa nu aiba multe dureri).

A urmat apoi intalnirea pe zoom cu dr,I din Japonia. El mi-a explicat ca in cazul meu ar face tratament genetic pentru P53 si posibil si pt PT10, tratament cu un produs patentat de clinica, GCmaf, sonoterapie si Vitamina C. Asta ar insemna sa merg in Japonia pentru 4 saptamani si sa platesc o suma destul de mare. Aacesta este cel mai agresiv tratament alternativ din cate am gasit si un cancer agresiv ca al meu trebuie repede atacat cu un tratament cat mai agresiv. Am stiut in inima mea ca acesta va trebui sa fie urmatorul pas, sa plec de acasa 4 saptamani? va fi foarte greu , dar pe de alta parte, o sa fiu eu singura cu Domnul, El se va ingriji de familia mea dar si de mine. O provocare foarte mare pentru mine. Odata luata decizia de a pleca in Japonia, noi ne gandeam cum sa facem rost de bani, sa vindem masina mea...Domnul a deschis cerul lui si revarsat resurse din toate colturile pamantului far ca noi sa cerem. Pentru mine asta a fost lumina verde de la semafor. Cand e verde, nu e drum inapoi, pornesti cu toate viteza inainte. Inca o data Dumnezeu a pus parafa Lui si mi-a spus incotro sa o apuc. Am fost inundati cu binecuvantari de tot felul : oameni ce ne-au vizitat ca sa ne incurajeze, flori, cadouri, mancare, resurse financiare si multe multe rugaciuni cu zile de post.  Ce altceva mai pot cere? El se ingrijeste de fiecare detaliu. Asat nu inseamna ca e usor, si nu a promis niciodata ca va fi usor, dar a promis ca va fi cu noi si a mai promis ca totul este posibil prin El. 

Asa am ajuns in Japonia...

( English)

I arrived home on July 19 and on July 21 I went with Dani to Dr. D for the biopsy. I was mentally ready, the depression had disappeared and now I was ready for a new adventure with God. The biopsy was not painful, my only concern to Dr. D was to know approximately how long she could operate on me after finding out the result, in case it was cancer, and she told me, about 2 weeks. A relatively good time, because it doesn't give the cancer too much time to spread. Before the biopsy, my symptoms were pulsations in the breast and then under the arm as if the heart was beating in that place. After the biopsy, there was a war in the breast, the pulsations were all over the place and there were often stings. I started applying incense constantly so I could keep the cancer there, in case it is cancer. The biopsy was on Friday and we had to meet with the doctor the following Friday to give us the result. He called us on Tuesday that he received the results and that he wants us to have a teleconference on Thursday. In our minds, we said that it is good that she wants the teleconference, and that if it was cancer, she would have called us to the hospital to tell us in person.

A few minutes after we started the teleconference, he gave us the diagnosis: it's cancer! I wasn't surprised, Dani, on the other hand, was shocked. And he went on to brief explanations, it's not estrogen-based, nor progesterone-based (I calmed down that my treatment with natural hormones wasn't the cause), it's not Hers2 either, it's KI67 higher than 80%. It didn't mean much what she told me then. I was glad that it was not hormonal, but I didn't know more. he explained to me what options I had as an operation and I easily chose that I wanted a double mastectomy, but he insisted that before I said for sure that I wanted an operation directly, I should go to Dr. O (the one I tried to go to initially, but he did not do biopsy) to explain to me what options I have. I agreed that before any decision it is good to know all the options and to make a decision only after I am aware of all the valid options. So the following Tuesday, Dr. O stayed over the normal schedule to meet with us.

The boys were away in Colorado at a Christian camp and I had to tell them the diagnosis. There in the camp, they received a lot of support from the organizers and their friends. That's how the news of my diagnosis spread very quickly. Philip says that Romanians are faster than Facebook in spreading the news :) Maybe 2 days ago I spoke with a pastor whose wife, Daniela, had passed away only a few months ago. He told me what kind of cancer it was and what treatments followed. I didn't have much to say because everything was new to me, but I listened and remained fixated on the triple negative.

Tuesday evening we met with Dr. O. At the beginning of the discussion I asked her to explain better what kind of cancer I have because I'm a little ignorant...then she told me, triple negative...already m - I saw her leaving this earth and the tears wanted to burst, I prayed to God to stop my tears because I was only at the beginning of the program, I had to be able to be strong and listen to all the options. She explained to me the whole treatment plan with chemotherapy and immunotherapy before surgery, then surgery, and again chemotherapy and immunotherapy after surgery. He explained all the benefits and side effects. I listened attentively and at the end, I only had 2 questions... why Daniela, who did the whole protocol and was declared cured, have liver metastasis from the same type of cancer... she shrugged her shoulders that she didn't have an answer to my why and then I asked her, in case I don't do chemo if she will be the doctor who will help me with the pain of the last days of my life (I told you that I already saw myself leaving ...) she answered me that in 37 years of her career, no one has asked her this... I asked her permission to think for a day or two before giving her an answer. I left there, Dani was silent, I was still talking, somehow summarizing everything he told me, trying to process the information out loud. We were in the covered garage of the hospital and we were heading to the car. Then I told Dani that all the doctor's efforts to convince me that chemo is the best solution, for me had the opposite result, she convinced me that chemo is not for me, I will not do chemo. The moment I finished saying these words, my being was filled with an indescribable peace, and in addition to the peace that flooded my being, I received a certainty that I spoke with my mouth, that I will not die from cancer to stay. I was happy, happy that the Lord chose not to take me home through this cancer, I was ready to go with Dani to a restaurant to celebrate. Dani was a little confused. Now I was ready to fight because the victory was already won by my Lord, I just have to step on the path that He prepared for me, to do my part according to the guidance from Him and He will do His part. Then God poured life into me, the strength to fight and go against the current. His peace, for me, is the seal by which He tells me that He approves of my decisions. When we got home, we shared with our children, Paul was very encouraged by my certainty and we prayed as a family, we entrusted ourselves to the Lord for what will come.

The operation then followed, 7 weeks after the biopsy. These were long weeks, sometimes I worried but then I chose to believe that the Lord does not make mistakes and knows what he is doing, I just have to move forward with faith. In this period, of course, the evil one came to disturb me and to tell me that the healing conviction I had was only for the Lord to motivate me to fight and not to give in. Was it successful? I have to be honest and admit that, yes, he managed to knock me down a few times. my answer to such a temptation is that, even if God chooses not to heal me, I still will not leave Him. God knows why He allows what He allows and He will bring something good out of this trial as well. In the weeks when I was always tempted to think that certainty was only a motivation, I found the greatest encouragement in His Word:

I expect and strongly hope that I shall not be disgraced by anything; but that now, as always, Christ will be boldly glorified in my body, either by my life or by my death.21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.22 But if I must live in the body, make me live; and I don't know what to choose.

23 I am drawn from two sides: I would like to move and be with Christ, because it would be much better;24 But for you, it is more necessary for me to remain in the body.25 And I am entrusted and I know that I will remain and live with you all, for the advancement and joy of your faith;26 so that, through my return to you, you may have a great cause for praise in Jesus Christ in me. These words gave me back the confidence that I will not die from this cancer. I just have to do my part.

Was I afraid of the operation? Yes. It was late in the evening when I got down on my knees and asked the Lord to send His angels to the operation to make a tent around me, to watch over me and if the doctors wanted to make a mistake, His angels would intervene so that everything would be fine. The next day, it was Labor Day Sunday and we didn't have church, in the evening, sister Ana and Dana wanted to stop by our house. As soon as they entered the door, sister Ana began to tell me about the vision she had that night. For those who do not know her, Sister Ana is a woman of prayer, and a Baptist, she never had a vision in her life, but this time the Lord spoke to her through a vision. It was like I was in the operating room on the table, there was a strong light inside and the doctors and nurses were all there, but above them, there was a circle of angels and seraphim who made a circle above me with open wings saying the glory of God. He excitedly and happily told us about the vision he had. I was speechless. Dani, on the other hand, then shared that last night he asked God for a special sign to certify that he will be with me during the operation and everything will be fine. This was the answer, the sign that the Lord sent for Dani and answered my prayer. From that day on, I had no fear of the operation. I don't know how these experiences seem to you, to those who read these lines, but for me, they are God's miracles in my right and my home.

The day of the operation came, I had no trace of fear in me, I knew that the Lord was with me, I was aware of everything that was happening and with all that, it was as if I was walking 20 cm above reality. many of you who read, have been fasting and praying for me, and today I pray for the Lord to pour out His blessings on you and for Him to reward all your love. He who does not leave unbroken a glass of water given in His name, how will He not reward the sacrifice made in His Name for me with so much more? How good it is to be in the body of Christ!

I entered the operating room, I moved to the operating table, I saw the torches that were not yet on, I saw the nurses in the room and I raised my eyes to the upper corners of the room, I started to feel that sleep was coming and I wanted to stay awake a little longer to see the angels, I knew they were there, but my fleshly eyes could not see them...and I fell asleep. I woke up as if after a short sleep and next to me was a male assistant who I don't know what he told me, Dani was also there by the bed. Shortly after, he took me with the bed to take me to the salon, on the way I told him that it was the first time I had a male assistant and he replied that it was the first time for everything, and I didn't finish well either with my displeasure at having a man as an assistant, I arrived in the salon where another man was waiting for me. That was too much. I was already sick from the anesthesia and now I had to face a new challenge, a man to take care of me? How come the hospital didn't give me a woman? In my mind, I said to God why didn't he take care of this detail as well? What was there to do, the fact was consumed, I could not refuse to be taken care of by this assistant, John. It would have been very impolite to comment. The children and my mother immediately came to the salon, we took pictures, my biggest concern was, "How is my hair?". I told you how women (or at least me) are with hair :). I didn't have pain unless I tried to move my hands, it hurt a lot when I only used my chest muscles a little. Dani stayed with me overnight and took care of my every need, he was my hands. John, with whom I was initially dissatisfied, turned out to be the best assistant I could have received. When Dani went to the bathroom with her hands, she turned back so she wouldn't see my nakedness and when I came back, the sheet on the bed was tight, and the pillows arranged, I then repented for my displeasure. John taught Dani how to drain the drain tubes and gave me so much useful information for when I was going home, for me, it was a blessing! The shift changed at 6 in the morning and I saw then what it means to have a woman as a nurse, she dragged me when she emptied her drainage tubes, she stopped making my bed, and when I saw how it was I went home, at 9 in the morning the surgeon doctor he came to see me and then I went home. In less than 24 hours since I was hospitalized for the operation, I was already at home. There were a few hard days, I was helpless with trivial things, it was strange to ask for help for every little thing, I had to learn to let myself be helped even more, to ask for help. But those days have passed and when I managed to move my hands it was as if I had received wings. I started to get back to normal and get my life back.

In the meantime, I got to talk to my brother, he was worried that I wasn't doing chemo, but he saw that he had no one to convince, and he remembered a discussion he had with a doctor, I don't know how long ago, and this little doctor was talking about a clinic in Japan that does intensive treatments for cancer and she said that if she ever gets cancer, she wants to go to that clinic in Japan. She was at the clinic in 2018-2019. Petre asked me if I would be ok to do alternative treatment and I was open, I was already ready to try intensive treatment with incense. He found my contact email at the clinic and I made an appointment on zoom with them to find out more information.

10 days after the operation, I went for a check-up with Dr. D, the oncological surgeon. Then she gave us the pathological results of everything she removed during the operation. There were 3 tumors, the largest of which reached 4.4 cm in just 7 weeks. There were cancerous cells scattered throughout the breast tissue, he extracted 5 lymph nodes, 2 of which were metastatic cancer. A CT scan done before the operation showed 15 nodules on the lungs and they are very worrying for Dr.D. She told me that the only reason why they are not considered cancerous is that they are still up to 4mm and only from 6mm are they seen as problematic. Based on what she found, her life prognosis for me was quite short... She told me that I am dealing with a smart and stubborn cancer, just like me. I didn't know how to take these words, as a compliment or a reproach. He admitted that the chemo treatment for me would perhaps extend my life by a few months... then I had the opportunity to tell him that the number of my days are already numbered by my heavenly Father and He decides the length of my life. She respected my decision and recommended a PET scan in 3 months to see how much the nodules had grown. Until then, he referred me to a palliative doctor (he is a doctor who helps people in the terminal phase not to have much pain).

Then followed the Zoom meeting with Dr. I from Japan. He explained to me that in my case he would do genetic treatment for P53 and possibly also for PT10, treatment with a product patented by the clinic, GCmaf, sonotherapy and Vitamin C. That would mean going to Japan for 4 weeks and paying quite a large amount. This is the most aggressive alternative treatment that I have found and an aggressive cancer like mine must be quickly attacked with the most aggressive treatment. I knew in my heart that this would have to be the next step, to leave home for 4 weeks? it would be very difficult, but on the other hand, I would be alone with the Lord, He would take care of my family and me. A very big challenge for me. Once the decision was made to go to Japan, we were thinking about how to get money, to sell my car... The Lord opened his heaven and poured out resources from all corners of the earth without us asking. For me, that was the green light at the traffic light. When it's green, there's no going back, you go full speed ahead. Once again God put His initials and told me where to take it. We were flooded with blessings of all kinds: people who visited us to encourage us, flowers, gifts, food, financial resources, and many, many prayers with fasting days. What more can I ask for? He takes care of every detail. That does not mean that it is easy, and he never promised that it would be easy, but he promised that he would be with us and he also promised that everything is possible through him.

That's how I got to Japan...