Analizele din Germania/ The Lab results from Germany
Journal Entry by Cristina Sarlea — October 26, 2023
Am primit analizele din Germania luni dimineata. Stiu, au trecut deja cateva zile si eu nu am scris despre ele. De ce? Am avut nevoie de mai mult timp sa procesez si sa ma intalnesc azi cu medicul sa il mai pot intreba cate ceva...
Eram luni dimineata la perfuzii, fericita ca urma sa fie o zi scurta, avand o singura perfuzie si abea asteptam sa ies la vreo gradina unde sa ma bucur de natura frumoasa creata de Dumnezeu.
Stateam intinsa pe pat in camera de 2metri pe 2metri a carei usa este de fapt o cortina. Ma uitam la un episod din Chesepeak Shores, si vine in camera Dr Inui cu niste hartii in mana. M-am grabit repede sa opresc filmul si sa ma ridic in sezut sa pot porbi cu el. Imi zice ca au venit analizele si ca numarul de EpCAM este foarte mare si ca 60% dintre ele au P53 modificat genetic. "Ce inseamna asta?" il intreb, si el imi spune ca am celule de cancer in sange dar ca a mai avut 4 cazuri asemanatoare dintre care 3 au raspuns foarte bine la tratament si unul nu a raspuns. M-a intrebat daca sunt ok, credea ca poate sunt afectata de vestea data, eu nu am fost socata sa am celule de cancer in sange si inca nu stiam complexitatea rezultatelor asa ca i-am raspuns foarte senina ca sunt bine. El s-a retras urmand sa ma vada din nou joia. Am inceput ca caut ce inseamna acest EpCAM si cand am citit celule stem canceroase am simtit cum pacea din mine se micsoreaza si greutatea acestei vesti ma garboveste emotional. Am incercat sa imi tin lacrimile sa ajung mai intai inapoi la apartament sa nu ma vada oamenii de la clinica si de pe strada plangand. Abea asteptam sa vorbesc cu Dani. In liftul blocului ( eu sunt la etajul 6) mi-a venit in minte o frantura dintr-un verset, " cel neprihanit (credincios) cade de...ori si se ridica", nu stiam unde este in Biblie, nu stiam nici de cate ori cade cel credincios, dar stiam cu siguranta ca versetul exista, m-am agatat de el caci acum eram in cadere libera, imi trebuia ceva de ce sa ma agat...Dani era la biserica, era duminica seara la ei, si stiam ca e ocupat, si eu nu mai puteam...cum a putut credinta mea atat de puternica sa cada asa dintr-o data? Cum poate corpul meu sa ma tradeze in halul asta si sa faca celule stem canceroase? La ce bun toata strictetea mea cu ceea ce manac? La ce bun am mai venit in Japonia? Eram zdrobita...cu greu a trecut pentru mine timpul pana cand sa poata Dani vorbi si vorbind cu el l-am impovarat si pe el. L-am rugat sa imi caute versetul ce mi-a venit in minte in lift si mi-a zis un psalm, "nu, nu asta, este alt verset.."Lunea aceea a fost o zi grea, mi-am pus muzica, mie imi place mult muzica de inchinare si cuvintele cantarilor imi vorbesc, dar atunci, cuvintele cantecelor erau goale pentru mine, imi trebuia VIATA, cuvinte care sa aiba viata in ele, am mers inapoi la texte si mesaje primite in care erau versete din Biblie, vroiam sa le mai citesc o data. S-a facut seara si eu inca nu aveam pace, eram trista, imi era ciuda ca am cazut asa de mult si am lasat deznadejdea sa isi faca loc in mine. Am realizat ca trebuie sa cer ajutor, am trimis un text scurt la o prietena draga din domeniul medical si i-am zis rezulatatele la analize, si apoi i-am zis " sunt zdrobita". Mi-a raspuns inapoi cu un verset din Biblie " I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will guide you with My eye." Psalm 32:8 M-am luminat! Aceste cuvinte au fost ca un izvor de viata pentru mintea si sufletul meu! Domnul e Cel ce m-a instruit in ce cale sa aleg si asa am ajuns in Japonia, nu am venit aici degeaba, si tot El o sa imi arate si pe mai departe pe ce drum sa merg ,El ma va sfatui si privirea Lui va fi indreptata asupra mea! El e cu mine la fiecare pas! Pacea a inceput sa creasca in mine si deznadejdea a trecut in umbra, ba mai mult, Domnul mi-a trimis un somn peste pleoape si am adormit linistita ca Domnul imi va arata incotro sa merg si ce sa fac si El este cu mine, ma va vegeata la fiecare pas. Am avut un somn adanc si dimineata m-am trezit zambind, aveam bucurie in inima, aveam puterea reinnoita si vointa sa pasesc inainte cu credinta. Si Dumnezeu nu face minuni? Oh da, si inca ce mununi face! Cum as putea sa nu Il iubesc cand El ma iubeste atat de mult! Dimineata, Dani , mi-a dat si referinta versetului ce mi-a venit in minte in lift : Prov. 24:16 " Caci cel neprihanit de sapte ori cade si se ridica".
Zilele au trecut ,v-am povestit deja despre ziua mea la Castelul Osaka, si joia a venit. Dr Inui m-a luat de la perfuzii sa deseneze " o opera de arta" pe pielea mea :), m-a pregatit de fapt pentru ziua de vineri cand incep tratamentul cu sonoterapie. Mi-a confirmat ca sunt celule canceroase in maduva dar au trecut cuvintele lui pe langa urechile mele de parca nici nu ar fi fost. Mi-a zis ca si el are celule canceroase in maduva si se simte bine ( oare am apucat sa va spun ca Dr Inui are cancer triplu negativ la prostata, si se trateaza cu acelasi tratament ce mi-l face si mie ?).
Am scris bisericii Agape din Texas care sunt rezultatele si dragii mei frati si surori m-au binecuvantat cu o multime de versete. Cata viata exista in Cuvantul Domnului. Niciodata nu am experinmentat puterea de viata a Cuvantului lui Dumnezeu asa cum am experimentat-o acum. E minunat! Va las cu cateva versete, eu am fost binecuvantata cu ele, sper sa fiti si voi:
Plangerile lui Ieremia 3: 21-26
Iata ce mai gandesc in inima mea si iata ce ma face sa mai trag nadejde:
bunatatile Domnului nu s-au sfarsit, indurarile Lui nu sunt la capat,
ci se innoiesc in fiecare dimineata. Si credinciosia Ta este atat de mare! -
"Domnul este partea mea de mostenire", zice sufletul meu; de aceea nadajduiesc in El.
Domnul este bun cu cine nadajduieste in El, cu sufletul care-L cauta.
Bine este sa astepti in tacere ajutorul Domnului.
English
received the tests from Germany on Monday morning. I know, a few days have already passed and I haven't written about them. Why? I needed more time to process and to meet with the doctor today so I can ask him a few more things...
I was at the infusions on Monday morning, happy that it was going to be a short day, having only one infusion and I was waiting to go out to some garden where I could enjoy the beautiful nature created by God.
I was lying on the bed in the 2 meter by 2 meter room whose door is actually a curtain. I was watching an episode of Chesapeake Shores, and Dr. Inui came into the room with some papers in his hand. I quickly stopped the movie and sat up so I could talk to him. He tells me that the tests have arrived and that the number of EpCAM is very high and that 60% of them have genetically modified P53. "What this means?" I ask him, and he tells me that I have cancer cells in my blood, but that he had 4 other similar cases, 3 of which responded very well to the treatment and one did not. He asked me if I was ok, he thought that maybe I was affected by the news, I wasn't shocked to have cancer cells in my blood and I still didn't know the complexity of the results, so I answered very calmly that I was fine. He retired and was going to see me again on Thursday. I started looking for what this EpCAM means and when I read cancerous stem cells, I felt how the peace in me shrinks and the weight of this news weighs me down emotionally. I tried to hold back my tears to get back to the apartment first so that the people at the clinic and on the street wouldn't see me crying. I was waiting to talk to Dani. In the elevator of the building (I'm on the 6th floor) a fragment of a verse came to my mind, "the righteous (believer) falls sometimes and gets up", I didn't know where it was in the Bible, I didn't even know how many times does the faithful fall, but I knew for sure that the verse existed, I clung to it because now I was in free fall, I needed something to cling to...Dani was at church, it was Sunday evening at their place, and I knew he was busy, and I couldn't...how could my faith so strong fall like that all of a sudden? How can my body betray me in this way and make cancerous stem cells? What good is all my strictness with what I eat? Why did I come to Japan? I was crushed... hardly any time passed for me until Dani could talk and by talking to him I burdened him as well. I asked him to look for the verse that came to my mind in the elevator and he told me a psalm, "No, not that, it's another verse." That Monday was a hard day, I put on my music, I really like the worship music and the words of the singers speak to me, but at that time, the words of the songs were empty for me, I needed LIFE, words that would have life in them, I went back to texts and messages received in which there were verses from the Bible, I wanted to read them one more time. It was evening and I still had no peace, I was sad, it was strange to me that I had fallen so far and let despair take its place in me. I realized that I had to ask for help, I sent a short text to a dear friend in the medical field and told her the results of the tests, and then I told her "I'm crushed". He answered me back with a verse from the Bible "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will guide you with My eye." Psalm 32:8 I am enlightened! These words were like a spring of life for my mind and soul! The Lord is the One who instructed me in which path to choose and that's how I ended up in Japan, I didn't come here in vain, and He will also show me in the future which way to go, He will advise me and His gaze will be aimed at me! He is with me every step of the way! Peace began to grow in me and hopelessness passed into the shadows, what's more, the Lord sent a sleep over my eyelids and I fell asleep peacefully because the Lord will show me where to go and what to do and He is with me, will watch over you at every step. I had a deep sleep and in the morning I woke up smiling, I had joy in my heart, I had renewed strength and the will to step forward with faith. And doesn't God do miracles? Oh yes, and what other wonders it does! How could I not love Him when He loves me so much! In the morning, Dani, he also gave me the reference of the verse that came to my mind in the elevator: Prov. 24:16 "For the righteous man falls and rises seven times."
Days passed, I already told you about my day at Osaka Castle, and Thursday came. Dr. Inui took me from infusions to draw "a work of art" on my skin :), he actually prepared me for Friday when I start the sonotherapy treatment. He confirmed to me that there are cancer cells in the marrow, but his words passed by my ears as if they were not there. He told me that he also has cancerous cells in his marrow and feels well (did I mention that Dr. Inui has triple negative prostate cancer, and is being treated with the same treatment he is giving me?).
I wrote to the Agape church in Texas about the results and my dear brothers and sisters blessed me with many verses. How much life there is in the Word of God. I have never experienced the life-giving power of God's Word as I have now. It's great! I leave you with a few verses, I was blessed with them, I hope you will be too:
The Lamentations of Jeremiah 3:21-26
Here's what I'm thinking in my heart and here's what makes me hope:
the goodness of the Lord is not finished, his mercies are not at an end,
but they are renewed every morning. And Your faithfulness is so great! -
"The Lord is my inheritance," says my soul; therefore I hope in Him.
The Lord is good to those who hope in Him, to the soul that seeks Him.
It is good to wait in silence for God's help.
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